Tuesday I am

Tuesdays I Am


I am thinking of:
the house needs to be decorated for Christmas and I need more supplies to do it.

I am thankful for:
family

I am in the kitchen:
making school lunches

I am wearing:
jeans, a maroon Paris tshirt with a gray sweatshirt over it and blue/green fuzzy socks

I am creating:
later today it will be ornaments for RS

I am reading:
The Carousel

I am hoping:
I can come up with stuff to talk about when someone comes over to help me today.

I am hearing:
teen nick on the tv

I am around the house:
trying to decorate a little bit for Christmas with the things we do have.

Tuesdays I am

Tuesdays I Am


I am thinking of:
how much still needs to be done in this house to get it all settled.

I am thankful for:
skype/internet

I am in the kitchen:
wondering what I can make for dinner that wont take any effort

I am wearing:
navy blue yoga type capri things and a navy blue way too big Hawaii tshirt

I am creating:
nothing at the moment.

I am reading:
blogs. lots of blogs.

I am hoping:
Grandma gets better enough to leave the hospital instead of giving up and dying in one.

I am hearing:
the whir of my laptop cooling pad fan thing. but in 5 minutes Ill hear Trent burst in from school.

I am around the house:
being a bum and getting nothing done..though lots of things need cleaning up

thoughts

so I was thinking last night while making dinner.. and I dont want this to come out sounding like some sort of pity party looking for ego stroking remarks.. and definitely dont want it to come off sounding like some sort of suicidal alarm or anything like that. Im not considering hurting myself or anything, so if anyone does read this.. dont panic.

so now that I have that out of the way..

I was thinking about my death. If I was to die today, would it really affect anyone other than my immediate family? and as I was thinking about it, I really dont think it would.
I do think friends of mine would be initially sad, and I might even have a bunch of people show up at my funeral..although I dont even know that for certain. I did see how many people came to my brother Mikes funeral, and he probably wouldnt have thought that many people would have shown up at his either.. who knows..

but, I also think maybe people would show up out of a sense of obligation or something.. ?

But back to my thoughts.. if I died today.. my family would be upset and I do think my kids need me here.. I think it would hurt my mom.. not really sure about my siblings. They didnt grow up with me and they dont really know me as well as they know each other, so Im inclined to think they might be sad in the beginning but really, it wouldnt have a huge effect on their lives. It would effect my husband, although again, I tend to think it would be more of a 'this is hard, what do i do with these kids and things now' kind of thoughts more than an 'i cant live without her' sort of thought.
he could get remarried though and really, things would be fine from then on out.

same with any friends of mine.. yeah, they might be sad at hearing about my death..and maybe they would pause and think about our friendship or things we did together or whatnot.. but in reality, they could all go back to their lives within a matter of a couple days or so and not give it another thought. ok so maybe a tiny thought here and there but nothing major. does that make any sense?

so then I was thinking.. is this something that I need to do something about? do i need to start doing more service for people or something? do i need to be making a difference in someone elses life so they dont feel this way about their own deaths? but in a way doesnt that sound like i would be doing things just in hopes that when i do die, i will have had some kind of impact on others? does that sound selfish or something??

I dont know.. lots of thoughts about this stuff in the last 12 hours or so. dunno why..

but again.. dont worry.. im fine.

and dont know what i want to do about it.. if anything.

random thoughts

I am bored. sure, I have things I could be doing. I could clean up the house, do more laundry, make some scrapbook pages or cards, re-paint my toenails. or hey maybe even take a shower and get dressed for the day.
I just dont want to. but I dont know what I DO want to do either.

so last Saturday the Humane Society was in the mall doing a pet adoption drive sort of thing and we stopped by and immediately fell in love with a chihuahua named Brandi. Shes between 2-3 yrs old and tan and fat! She is currently in a foster home- the Humane Society saved her from being put to sleep 5 months ago and have been trying to get her adopted since then.. theres nothing wrong with her and shes a good dog, so they couldnt figure out why she hadnt been adopted yet. Neither could we.
Anyways, we loved on her and then filled ut the adoption paperwork and then waited to hear from them. so a couple days ago I find out that they are really calling my references and landlord and even the vet we used for Pepper! I dont know why, but I didnt really think they would make the calls. But, apparently we are good enough dog owners because we were approved to get her!! yay!
We arent going to bring her home though until the 25th or so because we are going to my brother Dales wedding next weekend and didnt want to have her here for a week and then leave her for a weekend and then get her again. too traumatizing for a newly adopted dog. The kids cant wait to get her and have already discussed a schedule for feeding and walking her. We'll see how long that lasts!
I cant wait to have someone else in the house with me all day. Its unreal how lonely a house feels without your dog.

Im addicted to facebook. I post there way too much. completely random things.

oh, my surgery was denied! so we are appealing now. ugh. I hope the appeal works. sigh.

I miss my friends in Germany. I have a couple friends here, but no one I talk to daily or hang out with or go to lunch with or whatever.. and Im lonely.

I took a stained glass class at the arts and crafts center a couple weeks ago. I was the only one in the class. I made a flower suncatcher. it wasnt as hard as I thought it would be.. but I did mess up a couple times. hopefully Ill go back sometime and try again. I guess I could go there during the daytime too. I just hate spending money on it. which is why i try not to go out during the day.. if i go anywhere, i spend some money. im trying to save money, not spend it.

I need to get my lesson ready for Relief Society on Sunday.. shouldnt be putting it off. Im getting a little more used to it though.. still scary but not as bad.

ok thats my rambling for now.. nothing major.. just little thoughts in my head. haha

hmm almost a full year since Ive posted

just goes to show what a horrible blogger I am. LOL

so we have settled in here in TX. as much as we can I suppose. Im still feeling like a stranger in the area and havent really gotten to know many people.. but that seems to be the way it works with me.

Travis is at his first base.. in Georgia and Tyler is getting ready to graduate and then go off to Houston for school.

the rest of them are stuck with me awhile longer. ;)

Pepper died a week ago today and I am still struggling with that. I was holding her when she died and it was the most heartbraking thing to sit through. It happened here at home. She was fine just a few days before and we still dont know what happened. Theres been talk of getting another dog sometime this year. I think Im ok with that, but I also know it would never be a replacement for Pepper and I wonder if I can get one and not constantly compare the 2, and maybe end up being frustrated or something about the differences.. hard to explain but I know what Im trying to say haha
it wouldnt be until June though because we have a wedding to go to in May and I dont want to deal with finding someone to watch a dog for us while we go.

I have seen a dr about plastic surgery and am now just waiting to hear if Tricare approves it or not. if so, then ill have it in June most likely. its going to be majorly painful I think, but so worth it in the end to not have this skin sitting on my frontside. basically he will be cutting me in half. yikes!

anyways.. i figured out how to log in and i have posted, so ill try to come back when i have something interesting to talk about. :)

Its been a month??

I really am bad at this blogging thing. hmm a month.. what have we done in a month?

Did I post that we got orders?? I cant remember when we got them but we got them. We had an extension to stay here another year so Tyler could graduate in 2010.. and we were just getting ready to put in for a 2nd extension so Tanner could graduate in 2011.. that way we wouldnt have to move either of them in their senior year.

our 1st extension was approved a long time ago. we were here until summer 2010. woohoo! so I started thinking of the places we could go this year.. and figured I would have some surgery in May of this year and get that out of the way..

yeah.

then the day before April Fools Day, I get an email from Robert. saying we have to leave. THIS SUMMER. our extension was taken away from us. they turned his job into a lower ranking slot. who says rank pays?.. ugh! so I emailed him back and told him april fools day wasnt until the next day and this wasnt funny! thankyouverymuch.

not a joke. the upside? we got to rank the order of the TWO bases they gave us to pick from.. we never get to pick where we want to go so that was a real treat. the 2? Ellsworth in South Dakota.... ummmmm no.thank.you! I lived in Northern Maine for 5 LONG years. I do not need to live in another snow up to the eyeballs, 10 months winter, frozen tundra out in the middle of nowhere place. really. i dont.

and the 2nd one? Goodfellow in Texas. ummm.. out in the middle of nowhere Texas..
which I could deal with.. wouldnt be my 1st choice, but we did New Mexico middle of nowhere and this is like 3 hours from there, so I know I can handle it. I really didnt mind NM.. though I know most people didnt like it there.

so we put TX first, SD 2nd. duh.

THAT night we had orders in the system. that never happens. not for us.

so off to TX we go. this summer. so much for my surgery (they wouldnt approve it since we wouldnt be here for 6 more months) and my travel plans just flew right out the window. :( why why why dont I learn? When you get orders overseas, TRAVEL RIGHT AWAY! I know this. I learned this last time we came here. did I do it this time? nope. grrrrrrr kicking myself. HARD.

we did go to Disney Paris.. I promised the kids 4 yrs ago that we would go there before leaving here. so we went. before Travis left. and had fun!! I dont think most people know that I LOVE Disney. I love mickey mouse. :) there. i said it. We used to have a MM bathroom. I have several MM watches. they need new batteries. but I have them.

so we did that. and you already know we went to Paris.

we havent done Austria. or Switzerland. or Italy.

I seriously want to go to do the sound of music tour. switzerland i could go ahead and skip.
we wanted to go to Dachau.. and Berlin..

I reallly want to go to italy. all over italy- pisa, rome, venice...

yeah. i had hopes right up until last week. then reality hit and i dont think we will get to see any of it. I am seriously bummed. seriously.

we ship our truck out on Tuesday! we wont have it on Monday because we are putting it into the place to get it cleaned. we will have 2 cars to get us all places, until Roberts car sells.. and then what? well we dont all go anywhere together i guess. we will have my car and we have to sell it in July. then what? i have no idea.
cant really afford to rent a van for a month. crazy prices.

ugh.

movers come on the 24th.. for at least 3 days. maybe 4. Tanners bday is the 25th so hes not happy. like its my fault?
we fly out at the beginning of August. seriously bummed.bright side? ill be here for my bday and hopefully can have lunch with friends at least.

so im sounding negative now. sorry. did i mention im bummed?

I have a friend! a good friend! I havent had her a long time and now I have to leave? whats that all about??? bleh. still trying to convince her to move to TX hahahahahah (that snow i mentioned earlier? she likes it! *gasp*) yeah, i still like her.

by the way, i never did find out what i did or said to old friend to make her 'disown' me.. she said on march 17th that she would let me know.. yep, nothing yet. no idea why i cant let it go. it eats at me just wanting to know. ok, dont be my friend but dangit. tell me why.

ok so what else.. school is out tomorrow. what am i going to do with 5 kids and nothing in the house but loaner furniture and no car to take them all somewhere for a whole month??? yikes.

new topic:

so Travis went off to basic training. yep, he really went. havent heard from him, but know hes doing ok. i have a spy there kind of LOL. so hes doing alright.. keeping a low profile thank goodness. he graduates July 17th. cant go. want to go. hate that i cant go. grumble grumble. i really hope this whole thing is a good thing for him. i think it will be.. we'll see.

good stuff? need to end on a positive note...

i got my first massage a couple weeks ago. loved it! want another one. :)

tyler went to prom and he and his date looked very nice. it was in a castle this year. way cool.

i discovered 'farm town' on facebook and im now addicted. crazy.

ive sold lots of junk in preparing for the move. yay!

pepper gets to go in the cabin of the plane with us! yes, this is good news.. we were worried about getting her back in the heat of summer.

we had family pics done before travis left and they are really nice!

stampin up's new colors and things come out on july 1st and i ordered sneak peek stuff.. it should be here soon! ive seen the colors already- sooo nice! yay!

our 20th anniversary is next week. 20 years??!! am i that old? dunno what to get the man. sigh.

ok im done for now. :) a month of stuff all in one big post. exhale.

scratches and castles and throw up... oh my!

So once again I havent blogged in forever.. I never could keep up with a diary when I was little and with a journal as I got into Young Womens at church and were told often to write in a journal.. yeah, I would write in it for 2 days and then be done for the year. :p
I guess even though Im online nonstop, this is no different. Im just no good at the blog thing.

anyways..

Susan has had to listen to my stories lately and she told me I should be blogging about a couple things the last couple of weeks.. so here they are.

SCRATCHES

so I get a call from the school.. Trace's 2nd grade teacher called me and so I figured he must be sick. I hate getting the sick calls from school.. I swear theyre fine when I send them to school! so anyways.. she says.. I have Trace here and we have an issue. sigh.

sooo I say ok what happened..

she goes on to say that at recess or at lunch.. i dont know.. that Trace had told a girl that he would pay her if she would scratch him.. big pause.. well, my brain immediately thinks oh my gosh.. scratch him WHERE???? ackkkk he is a boy after all... I start to panic and sweat and my heart is racing.. all in a matter of seconds before she continues her sentence..
so Trace told a girl he would pay her to scratch him on the arm.
umm ok.. so she did scratch him and another boy and when she did, 2 other boys saw her and decided to push her down and then hit on her.
hmmm

ok I can see how this is bad... poor girl got beat up for picking on my kid..

well, this is a serious issue says the teacher.. and she wants a meeting with all the parents of the kids involved the next week. ummm ok let me know when..

then she asks if I want to talk to him.. well of course I say yes because if not what kind of parent will she think I am?? but at the same time.. what the heck am I going to say to him on the phone???? he gets on the phone.. i ask him if he even has money to be making deals with?? he says yes in his wallet.. but its at home..
ok well we will disuss this when you get home.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK so I was on base and doing errands and just as I was leaving the gate, my cell rings.. its the school.. they have Trace there- he didnt get on the bus to go home and needs to be picked up.. huh.ok. Ill make a uturn and go get him.
I get off base, do a uturn, get back on base and my phone beeps.. apparently home had called me while i was talking to the school. so i call home and am told that trace didnt get home. yes, i know.. but kid at home had also called dad. ok thanks. so i call robert and he says yeah, i was told i needed to come get him. i tell him im on my way to get him- i have it taken care of.

get to the school.. kid is not in the office like they told me he was. Im told hes in the class with the teacher.. go down the hall.. teacher is in the hall talking to other teachers.. sees me and we go into the classroom where trace is sitting at his table all alone.. looking so very sad..

we sit. teacher tells me she thinks what happened was that everyday she asks the kid a question on his way to the line to leave. well today she told him she wasnt asking him a question. so they all get in line and go out to the bus area to leave. she goes back into the building and trace is still sitting there. he misunderstood and thought since he didnt get asked a question, he couldnt line up and leave. :(

so since im there.. we have THE conference. she tells me the whole story again.. we ask him a bunch of questions.. she proceeds to tell me that she has told him that he needs to EARN the money from his parents to pay the girl because she did do her part afterall.. then i find out he promised her FOUR DOLLARS! heck kid.. what were you thinking>!?!? i was thinking maybe he promised her a quarter or something. sheesh.

ok fine. whatever. he has to bring a list to the teacher by friday of that week of ways he will earn money. then when he brings the money in to the girl, the girl will have to find a way to do something good with it for the class.. this will become a CLASS learning project.
whatever.
get home, have the boy make a list..

1. sell toys
2. play music
3. chores
4. i dont remember his other one

I ask him how he is going to play music for money? he says.. his harmonica.. ummm yeah but HOW are you going to make money?
he is going to sit outside and play his harmonica and people will put money in the pot for him.
ummm no trace.. i dont think that will work.


oh and much later when Im telling his dad about all of this.. he then informs us that he shouldnt have to pay anyways because the girl didnt do her part of the deal.. umm she scratched you both didnt she? yeah but the real deal was that if she scratched them and they said it hurt then he would pay her. they never said it hurt. ok trace but you could have said this in front of the teacher! i cant tell her this 2 days later and not have it look like im trying to come up with some lame excuse for the kid. good grief.


he takes the note in.. nothing else is said by the teacher. he hasnt EARNED the money at home and so far, its been forgotten. :p

CASTLES AND THROW UP

I suggest you dont read this part if you have a weak stomach.. though most MOMS that I know could handle it. LOL

so we found out a couple weeks ago that we have to leave THIS SUMMER instead of next year like planned. SO NOT HAPPY about this!

So because of this, we have to do and see LOTS before then. not an easy task with 8 people and a limited budget and trying to do move stuff too. but whatever.
so on Saturday we decide we have to go somewhere. anywhere.

so we drive a couple hours away to Burg Eltz. a pretty castle.. from the outside. i have no idea what the inside is like. but robert and the kids said it was nice.




we get there and of course everyone is hungry.. it was lunchtime. so i say well lets go in and do the tour and then get lunch in the little snack place.. go and buy the family ticket to do the tour. sit and wait for the english tour..20 minutes or so.. trent says he has a headache. ok once we eat, youll be ok.. says mom.
so we go into the first room.. weapons on the walls.. get the spiel about it and trent is leaning on me telling me he doesnt feel good.. ok trent just get through this tour and youll be ok..
time to move to the next room.. trent says im going to be sick.. i tell robert that trents going to be sick so i will go back out with him and he should take the rest of them through the castle. he says no we'll all leave. ummmm no i didnt pay all that money to sit outside with everyone. then we will all do the tour. sureeeee.
so everyone moves into the next room, me and trent are last.. he is going to throw up. i go to the big door and cant figure out how to open it. the tour guide comes back to close the door and i say can we get out hes going to be sick? so he uses the KEY and lets us out. where trent throws up into the trashcan right by the door.



next tour goes in while we stand there and trent is puking into the trash.

he finishes. really, it wasnt much because he didnt eat breakfast that morning. which i find out at that point in time. i figure hes carsick because of the long drive and windy roads.
so i take him back and ask how long the tour is.. 40-45 minutes. ughhh
so we go and get some water and french fries and sit to eat and wait.
he drinks the water.. eats a couple fries.. i eat some fries..
we then go check out the souveniers. i see what i want to buy before we leave.
we go back to the courtyard and sit just as they come out of the tour! yay!
so then we all go into the 2nd part of the tour- the treasure rooms. get through that and back out.
everyone is starving. we go to the food place again.
seating is like this..
outside picnic tables. all the other tables full of people.
its tyler, me, tanner, trent on one side
travis, robert, abby, trace on the other side.

abby and trace got fries and soda
tanner got currywurst, fries and soda
robert and tyler and travis got wurst of sorts and fries and drinks- doesnt matter for this story.

we are sitting.. talking.. eating..
i hear tanner say TRENT! i look up as trent throws up ALL OVER THE TABLE.
yep.
everyone is staring.
trent is crying
robert is hissing that he could have gone to a trashcan
im telling him to calm down and hush.
giving him napkins.
robert whisks him off to the bathroom.
i start cleaning off the table.the best i can with napkins.
really, it was just water and fries.
get it cleaned the best i can.
robert comes back with trent.

ummm

tanners food has throw up in it.
abbys fries have throw up on them
2 sodas have throw up on them

ugh

waste of more money

throw food away
tanner doesnt want anymore

others finish. we go to the souvenier shop.
walk back up the HUGE hill to the car.

leave. trent throws up in a bag in the car.
stop at spangdahlem- get kids dinner- leave there.

trent throws up in a bag on the way home.

get home. done with my day.

he got sick all the next day too.. and never did eat anything.
finally better sunday night and monday was fine for school.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Ive been selling stuff on a yard sale site.. getting rid of some weight in this house. this is the part of moving i dont like. getting ready. i dont know how we collect so much junk everyplace we go. hmm see my last post.. im a collector.
robert is in his normal pinging before a move mode already.
we cant do a whole lot without the official orders in hand. so we cant schedule shipments and things and without those dates its hard to plan anything else.
its all a huge pain.

i dont want to go yet. i need another year here. i just got a good friend here and now i have to leave? whats the logic there? whats the bigger plan here??? someone fill me in please.

i was supposed to have surgery in May.. i had it all figured out.. but now it might not be approved because we wont be here 6 more months. ill know more this week sometime. if it is approved though, ill be happy but also wondering how im going to manage major surgery and a move and traveling all at once?? if it isnt approved then i have to hope they will do it in the states. not as easy a process as it is here.

we cant find anything to rent in TX online and base housing isnt big enough for us.looks like we might be buying our first house. that freaks me out. i love the idea of being able to do whatever i want to MY house.. but i dont know about having to take care of a house and pay for a house and deal with house stuff. and then theres the loans and approvals and stuff. im scared of getting denied. and getting ripped off. and getting a bad house. eeek

travis leaves in 3 weeks. i am wondering how it will effect me when he goes. i think im in denial about him going and about us moving and who knows what all else.


ok this is a major long post. should make up a little for my lack of posts right?
and i dont have a chance of sliding to the bottom of Susans blog list and being called out on her blog LOL

oh yeah.. the pic of the castle.. looks foggy.. yeah, all our pics from the castle do. come to find out the lens was dirty. didnt figure this out until we got home. dont plan on going back to that castle. stuck with fuzzy pics i guess.

whatever.